A Flower’s Shade Read online

  In contrast to Miss Yu's peace of mind, Huaifu felt oppressed by the great dread of incest, which weighed upon his heart like a mountain. In Yaoshan Village, there was talk of the brother-in-law with the wife; the father-in-law and the bride—these moral offenses were no more than ugly rumors, and were not such a serious matter. But that people with blood relations, sharing the same clan name, that there should be sexual relations between them, this was certain to cause a great uproar. Miss Yu and Huaifu shared a same great-great-great-grandfather, and so their act was a heinous offense, an unpardonable sin. For Huaifu, it would never have occurred to him in his wildest dreams that they would take it so far. He couldn't believe that he had so easily tumbled into the quagmire of incest. He felt a great danger in front of him, waiting for him.

  Just as Miss Yu had suddenly gone from being a virgin to being a genuine woman, Huaifu had gone from being a boy with no sexual experience to being a man in the real sense of the word. Lying in the dark, Huaifu sighed to think of that second time he had met Miss Yu, when he had been so humiliated. It seemed it was his fate to be humiliated at her hands. In all those years, he had been unable to forget Miss Yu's cutting words. Although they shared an ancestor, although in the clan it had often been mooted that Huaifu ought to be adopted by Old Master Zhen, yet Huaifu had understood that he could not become Miss Yu's real brother. In fact, even after Huaifu had entered the Zhen Estate, every time he had called her "sister" , he could never prevent himself from dimly hearing what Miss Yu had said after rolling her eyes at him,

  "Don't call me sister, you're not my brother."

  Unwillingly, Huaifu would always recall the humiliation caused by his first wet dream about Miss Yu. Even though it had been in a dream, Huaifu still imagined it as a continuation of the humiliation wrought by Miss Yu. In the dream, she had ruthlessly teased him, scolded him like a servant who needs disciplining, had even furiously slapped him in the face. In his dream, Miss Yu she was an even more coarse, pugnacious, figure. He had eagerly borne the humiliation, or rather than borne one should rather say that he had thrown himself into it with enjoyment. The way she mistreated him had actually given him great pleasure. Dimly, Huaifu realized what the result of humiliation could be, for Miss Yu's anger always brought him excitement. The excitement would give him an erection and his blood would boil in his body as though it were pure alcohol. Her mistreatment of him made him see a great green field in his mind's eye. He realized that he was riding on a noble steed, Miss Yu was borne behind him, and the horse was galloping indefatigably, off into the grasslands.

  The moon had risen, and its dim light had quieted the croaking. Miss Yu had already risen from the opium bed and was preparing to go to her own bed to sleep. Perturbed, Huaifu was still in his room, still running over the scene they had just acted out. He couldn't bear to think what meeting Miss Yu tomorrow would be like. He remembered when he was ten years old, one day in spring. Huaifu's family had a tomcat which he had seen in the vacant place in front of their home, mounting a female cat. The tomcat was born of that same female cat. A great pack of children had stood not far off, all of them covering their mouths in laughter. The children all knew that only wild beasts would act this way.

  As far as Huaifu could remember, the first case of incest in Yaoshan village had concerned a distant uncle of his had tricked his own niece into sleeping with him. The girl had been a bit dull-witted, and even at age eighteen she would often pull down her pants and pee in the fields, without checking at all if there were people around. The uncle had just lured her with some malted candies to the place with the mulberry trees, and taken her there. The matter quickly came to light, because the niece's belly grew bigger and bigger, and she had given a straightforward explanation of what had occurred.

  At the birth, the niece had lost a great deal of blood and died, and the boy she had given birth to had died the following day. Some said that the midwife had been bribed to let the patient bleed to death. The clan meetings about the punishment for the distant uncle had gone on for two days, and in the end it was decided to suspend him naked from an ash tree in front of the clan hall, and to let all of the men of the village come with bamboo sticks for all of them to give him a good caning. First the elders would cane him, then the middle-aged and lastly the boys. Because the disgusting story had been the talk of the village, when the punishment began the children came out, they were as excited as if they were at a fair. From the fact that they were being allowed to teach a bad man a lesson they suddenly realized that they too were growing into adults. They caned the distant uncle vigorously, even deliberately directing their blows to his shrunken manhood. It gave them incomparable joy, and even though the event now lay a good many years in the past, they still chewed it over with relish.

  When the punishment was over, and the distant uncle was somewhat healed, he had been chased out of Yaoshan Village. He had gone roaming about, but when he had been unable to go on, he had returned for a little while. But before he had been back a full month, the clan held another meeting, and commanded him to leave promptly. After that, the distant uncle had never returned. Some people said he had become a highwayman, and that he had broken his leg. Others said they had seen him in the provincial capital, where he was now a beggar. Yet others said he was doing rather well, he had saved some money and was doing odd jobs in a brothel, and when one of the girls didn't have a client, he got lucky himself.

  By the time morning broke, Huaifu had still not closed his eyes. A thought flashed though his mind, namely that he should run off, that he should leave the Zhen Estate behind immediately. The image of the distant uncle, suspended from the ash tree by the clan hall, appeared before his eyes more than once. Huaifu imagined what it would be like to be caned, to be suspended naked in mid air, trying to cross his legs to hide his genitals so that the mischievous boys wouldn't strike them with their bamboo. What astonished him was that these frightening images not only failed to scare him or make him shudder. On the contrary, they made him feel an incredible excitement. He realized that he was again excited and erect.

  2

  When Huaifu, uneasy, saw Miss Yu again, she appeared not to take him seriously at all, which deeply wounded. It was as though the events of the night before had never occurred. At first, Huaifu had thought she was pretending that nothing had happened to keep the matter under wraps. But he soon understood that she really didn't take it seriously.

  Having slept late, Miss Yu got up when the sun was already high. She sat indolently on her bed, snacking at random, then got off the bed to comb and wash her face. When this was done, she remembered about Huaifu, and had a maid go fetch him. He obediently rushed in, but she barely spared him a glance, instead coldly giving orders to do this and that. "You have to do something to get your daily bread." Miss Yu said, hearing that he had not yet purchased some powder she had asked for, and flew into a rage, "If I tell you to buy it, then buy it, why are you dawdling?"

  Huaifu explained that it wasn't that he hadn't gone, he had sent someone to buy it, and they hadn't been managed to get any. "I don't care if there is any or not, I want you to go and look for it." Miss Yu said menacingly. Huaifu would not have believed that at such a time, Miss Yu would adopt such an attitude towards him. The events of the night before were still vividly before his eyes, but Miss Yu's attitude towards him hadn't softened at all; on the contrary, it had gotten more severe. Huaifu had been worried that Miss Yu might be overcome with shame at the sight of him, since she was an unmarried old maid. She had been excessively forward about it, but it had after all been her first time. Huaifu had no sexual experience of any kind, but he had heard talk more than once about what the first time was like for a woman. The companions of his youth had fulsomely and vividly described what a wedding night was like. Yesterday evening, in the extreme fluster, on that sacred first night, Huaifu had not forgotten to verify whether or not Miss Yu was really a maiden.

  "I'll go out to the stores right away and see." Huaifu answered, fluste
red, in the face of Miss Yu's rage. Miss Yu looked at him askance for a moment and then changed her mind. "Never mind, send someone else to buy it, you're too dumb. And arrange for them to boil some water, I want to have a bath." Huaifu didn't dare hesitate, he left the room immediately. He found Fourth, who did all the heavy lifting, and told him to boil the water. "Didn't the lady have a bath just yesterday night?" Fourth was thick and coarse. He was a man of few words, but when he did speak, it was forcefully, and without any particular regard for Huaifu, with his ambiguous position somewhere between master and servant. Fourth's casual question made Huaifu blush, and he said imperiously, "If I tell you to heat the water, do it! What more is there to say?" "I didn't say I wouldn't heat it, I'll heat it, since you say so." Fourth mumbled defiantly.

  The water was quickly boiled, and Fourth filled the bathtub with bucket after bucket of hot water. Huaifu stood nearby and supervised him, and when he saw that everything was ready, he went and fetched Miss Yu. She seemed already to be rather impatient, and asked him severely what he meant by all this dawdling. Huaifu stammered a few words of explanation, but Miss Yu said, "Never mind, never mind. Don't keep jabbering, I know all about it." She had left him speechless, and he stood there like a man of wood.

  Miss Yu soaked in the bathtub for rather a long time. Before she had gone in, she had ordered Huaifu to wait patiently outside, and Huaifu had not dared to disobey. The maid had brought clothing in for Miss Yu, but hearing the orders given to Huaifu, she put the clothing down and left, not before giving Huaifu a meaning look. The look unsettled Huaifu, but all the same he dared not leave. He wanted to tell the maid to stay, but before he had opened his mouth to speak, the maid had vanished.

  Fourth was sitting in the distance, in the shade of trees, drinking from a great bowl of tea. Every now and then he too mustered Huaifu with a glance. Huaifu blushed to the roots of his hair, his heart beating wildly. Leaving, the maid had failed to close the door properly, and a gust of wind blew the bathroom door open. Huaifu wanted to approach to close it again, but he feared that Miss Yu inside or that Fourth, outside, might misunderstand. He shot Fourth a covert glance, and seeing that the man's eyes were elsewhere, he quickly shot a glance inside the bathroom. The view of the tub was obstructed by the enormous curtain, and through the curtain he could dimly make out Miss Yu's head, floating in the bath. With a sudden burst of courage, he braved the eyes of Fourth, which might any moment turn back to look at him, and walked calmly to the bathroom door, and listened. His ears heard splashes of water. The sound made him dreamy.

  After a moment, the maid rushed in with the news that Zha Liangzhong had arrived. Miss Yu was in a tolerable mood, and through the curtain she shouted to the maid, "Tell him to wait a minute." and then she asked what Huaifu was doing. Huaifu answered rapidly that he had been waiting her the whole time outside her door. Miss Yu stood up behind the curtain and said, "Why are you standing there like an idiot? Why haven't you made him tea?"

  At these words, Huaifu turned on his heels and left Miss Yu's rooms. By the time Miss Yu had put her clothes on and left the bathroom, dripping into her room, Zha Liangzhong could not help looking at her chest. Miss Yu behaved as though it didn't bother her, which made Huaifu feel very uncomfortable. She looked at Liangzhong with a smile, as though she didn't understand why he had come just then. Liangzhong excitedly passed her the newspaper he had in his hand. She took the paper casually and looked it over nonchalantly, then threw the paper at Huaifu, who was standing nearby, overwhelmed, and said, "What's so important? I can't be bothered to find it. Huaifu, read it to me."

  Huaifu took the paper, but didn't know which part to read. Disappointment appeared on Liangzhong's features, and he approached Huaifu, almost sulkily telling him which part to read. Huaifu had only had three years of old-style private schooling, and he read stumblingly, looking up frequently. It was a pretentious notice of divorce, appearing like an obituary, with a black margin:

  URGENT NOTICE

  On account of irreconcilable difference arising between my humble self and my wife Zhang, I announce the mutual agreement that from this day forward a divorce shall be enacted and each party shall henceforth be freed from obligation, for which reason this solemn notice appears.

  Zha Liangzhong Zhang

  Miss Yu listened absentmindedly while Liangzhong closely watched her expression. When Huaifu had finished, Miss Yu still hadn't fully understood. She took back the paper, read it carefully, laughing maliciously as she did. How she despised Liangzhong! As soon as she saw him, she couldn't help but feel like tormenting him. Breaking his engagement with her was something Miss Yu would never forgive, as long as she lived. Although she had never seen Liangzhong's wife, she held a burning hatred for this woman who had usurped her position. Now she felt the gratification of revenge.

  Liangzhong said, ingratiatingly, "Miss Yu, I did as you said, I really did get a divorce."

  Miss Yu's expression changed suddenly, and she said unpleasantly, "Divorce, divorce, that's what you call it. Don't even try. So you threw off your wife, and what of it? You married her in the old style and get rid of her in the new style: divorce. It's all the same, don't try to fool me. If you have something to say, don't beat around the bushes. You think I don't know what nasty tricks you have up your sleeve?" Liangzhong, dumbfounded, gave Miss Yu an aggrieved look, "Miss Yu, but I did it for you. I've split from a perfectly good wife." Miss Yu said, "Speak clearly. What do you mean, you did it 'for me'?"

  Liangzhong said, "Think of it this way. If it weren't for you, would I split from a perfectly good wife? Last time I came to see you, as I was leaving, you said something, you told me to go back and get a divorce. Of course I dared not disobey. Would I dare not do it? Your words are like divine commands, how could I refuse the smallest of them?"

  Miss Yu had indeed made this remark about divorce to Liangzhong. She had meant nothing by it; it was only because she hated Liangzhong's wife, sight unseen. The matter of divorce was in fact something that Liangzhong had himself mentioned. Liangzhong saw that Miss Yu was baffled, and thought that she didn't believe he had really divorced her. He swore, "If I've said the slightest untruth, may lightning strike me."

  "Don't swear. If swearing were any use, lightning would have split you down the middle long ago."

  "But I really did get a divorce. I did it for you, Miss Yu. I divorced her for you." Liangzhong didn't seem to realize at all that Miss Yu was only teasing him. He had believed that as soon as he had a divorce, Miss Yu would no longer be able to resist his assault.

  "That was easy." Miss Yu said, smiling radiantly, and issuing him a new demand, "Then here's what you must do for me now: take your perfectly good wife, and marry her all over again."

  3

  One afternoon a few days later, Huaifu was following Miss Yu obediently around like a houseboy when they entered Suqin's courtyard. Even Miss Yu acted entirely as though nothing at all had occurred, and so Huaifu's internal dread of incest had naturally diminished correspondingly. Perhaps pretending that nothing had happened was the best policy. Sometimes Huaifu was beset by a doubt—perhaps the fantastic moment he and Miss Yu shared had been nothing more than a wonderful erotic dream, a game that did not in fact exist in real life. Miss Yu could remain aloof like some immortal, he knew now that he loved her with the entirety of his heart. Even if it were wrong a thousand, ten thousand times over, Huaifu would never recant his love. He did not even wish for the opportunity to repeat itself, it was enough that it had happened once. Because of that one time, if Miss Yu told him to go off and die, he would have done it without hesitation.

  Over the preceding few days, Huaifu had been searching for ways to ingratiate himself with Miss Yu. He racked his brains and spared no trouble or opportunity to suck up to Miss Yu. He thought of Xiaoyun's bicycle. Since the time they had gone out with Xiaoyun to learn to ride the bike on the school sport grounds, Huaifu had known that Miss Yu had been unable to decide whether she ought to learn how to ride a bike or not.
He knew that she was a very proud person, and that she would never be convinced to beg this favor of Xiaoyun. Whenever Miss Yu thought about the expression on Xiaoyun's face when he had seen that girl student, she couldn't repress her anger, anger directed at Xiaoyun and also at that girl. Miss Yu had determined that she held sovereignty only within the Zhen Estate, and felt that all men ought to obey her the way Huaifu did, but Xiaoyun evidently was not too willing to do so. It occurred to that the bicycle could be borrowed from Xiaoyun and she could learn to ride it inside the Estate.

  It was the middle of the day and the courtyard was empty. Only Xiaoyun was there, and only the birds he kept were hopping in and out of their cages and chirping. Miss Yu did not call loudly out for Xiaoyun. She thought she ought to be more reserved, a little prouder, so that Xiaoyun would not underestimate her. Xiaoyun was evidently not there, since his bicycle was not in its usual place. Miss Yu and Huaifu exchanged a glance, and both of them looked around, when they suddenly heard, among the cheeping of the little birds, the sound of a woman's recurring, irrepressible moans. The sound surprised Miss Yu and Huaifu, and they tried to determine what direction it was coming from.